Do you find it hard to read the news these days? I often need to conceptually remind myself that I have it good because there are many times when it doesn’t feel like it. Still, at least my family and I are all healthy and have secure food sources. As Chinese Americans, my children and I could be subject to increased prejudices now, but my heart breaks for those who face it worse than us. The same can’t be said for many other Americans: at least 1.2 million and counting are currently very sick. Many will die. The fact is brutal and impossible to sugar coat. It makes me incredibly sad, but I’m grateful to meet the current situation with a practice that doesn’t sugar coat it for me.
The Buddhist teachings about sickness, old age, and death don’t come with sugar coats. Instead, they teach us to accept changes and suffering as part of the three marks of existence. Zen has trained me to meet them head-on. Somehow this habit of looking into the brutal facts of life full-heartedly without a flinch helps a lot with the uncertain situation nowadays. When will we be able to get basics like groceries without worrying about getting sick? I don’t know. When can I stop being the daycare and the professional at the same time? I don’t know either. But I am grateful that I have spent years meditating on the phrase, I don’t know.
I have learned to be okay with not-knowing through many struggles and developed a habit of not running away or giving up. Through many challenging inner ruptures, the practice has taught me how to stay flexible and kind even in painful situations. Somehow there is liberating relief in making peace the many unknowns and changes beyond my comprehension. There is similar solace in accepting the fact that old age, sickness, and death will eventually happen to me and everybody I know. Children need to take medicine with sugar, but as adults, we have matured enough not to be intimidated by the taste of therapeutic substances. There are also freedom and adultness in outgrowing the need to sugarcoat the bitter truth about the world, especially in situations when it’s impossible to sugarcoat, like nowadays.
I don’t know if you feel overwhelmed and saddened by the current affairs too. If you do, perhaps sitting down and silently repeating the phrase “I don’t know” with each exhale might help you also. Even though the practice and the wisdom it ignites can take many months or even years to unfold, it’s never too late to start now.