During moments like this, when we need to recognize the shades of grey and connect with diverse communities more than ever, I always remind myself to open my heart and practice Metta, loving-kindness. The version of loving-kindness meditation I use is as following.
Assume a comfortable seated position and close your eyes.
Invite a loved one with a straightforward relationship into your mind.
(It can be your parents or siblings, baby niece or nephew, a pet, or simply a puppy.)
Feel the love and kindness towards them, and let it fill your breath and your body.
Repeat in your mind as many times as you need to:
may they be happy; may they be safe; may they be at peace; may they be free from suffering.
Now invite the same love and kindness toward yourself.
Repeat in your mind as many times as you need to:
may I be happy; may I be safe; may I be at peace; may I be free from suffering.
Spread the feeling of love and kindness toward all of your friends and family.
Repeat in your mind as many times as you need to:
may they be happy; may they be safe; may they be at peace; may they be free from suffering.
Share the love and kindness with anyone or everyone hurting.
They could be a friend or family in trouble,
victims of the recent or the on-going institutional violence,
those who suffer due to our failing public-health system,
communities neglected by our nation’s wealth,
or all of the above.
Repeat in your mind as many times as you need to:
may they be happy; may they be safe; may they be at peace; may they be free from suffering.
Now, bring a person who has given you a hard time, or someone with a different view to mind.
Courageously spread love and kindness towards them.
Repeat in your mind as many times as you need to:
may they be happy; may they be safe; may they be at peace; may they be free from suffering.
(This section could be hard. If it brings you too much pain, you may note the difficulty and invite the loving-kindness toward yourself.
You are wise, brave, and compassionate to yourself by bringing Metta to the individual in this section. )
Extend the love and kindness towards all living things on earth,
including the animals, the microbes, the entire ecosystem, yourself, and everybody you know.
Repeat in your mind as many times as you need to:
may we all be happy; may we all be safe; may we all be at peace; may we all be free from suffering.
In Buddhism, we are encouraged to relate to all beings with Metta and compassion. Classical teachings often emphasize that all lifeforms are our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and children in the Buddhist world view. Meet them with tenderness and never give up on them, no matter how different they are or how they have hurt or might hurt you. Love and kindness with an open heart are not signs of meekness, but the opposite. It takes tremendous strength to practice Metta, and it’s worth the effort. Metta is the only way that I know to heal from and courageously transcend deep wounds, no matter how grave.
Let me share a personal story. I was assaulted and sexually harassed by a cousin when I was eight. The adults in my family never had the strength to deal with the situation. As a result, the events and their aftermath had me in and out of therapy for years. The psychiatric treatment worked, to some extend, and I did self-talk too. I consciously told myself to let go of the incident, I need to forgive to heal, or I am better than that. You name it. They all worked in one way or another, but deep down, I knew the knot was still there.
Then within my grandfather’s funeral period, I sat down and started practicing Metta meditation, just like how I outlined it above. The slight modification was that I made sure to include everybody in my family, even the ones who did me violence. It was a bit forced in the beginning, and there were also times when the meditation seemed mechanical. Still, I kept at it whenever I had some alone time. Then, after I don’t know how long, something miraculous happened. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I undid the knot from being assaulted and sexually harassed as an eight-year-old. Now I surprise myself by feeling grateful for everything I have experienced. Although the perpetrators did me wrong, I am thankful for the perspective, the strength, and the skills I have gained to transcend the circumstance. And I hope to share one of them with you. One person at a time, starting from ourselves, we can heal the deep wounds in our society while preparing for November.
We share our heartfelt love and kindness with anyone and everyone hurting,
with the victims of on-going institutional injustice and violence,
with all who suffer due to our failing public-health system,
and with those neglected by our nation’s wealth.
May they be happy; may they be safe; may they be at peace; may they be free from suffering.
We courageously spread love and kindness towards those who might look, act, sound, or think differently.
May they be happy; may they be safe; may they be at peace; may they be free from suffering.
Signed: Rebecca Nie
PS: Here is an audio clip of me guiding the meditation if you are interested.